4/19/20

Number 23.

It’s definitely not my age although the number is reversed! But, this is my waiting number at a hospital i am at. 


While I was complaining inside my head about waiting three hours for the doctor appointment, then I turned around and saw an older uncle who wears a mask and sitting in a wheelchair. His eyes are so sad and he seems to lose in his thought. I wish I could give him a hug to comfort him but I cannot do that in my culture. Yet, he has a younger companion and he would be better than me right? Or maybe he looks at me in a pity way that I am 

But instead I’m so calm and I don’t feel scared this time coming to hospital alone anymore. Is it being mature that what they have been called? I have packed my essentials and clothes and ready to stay hospital a few if I am required to do surgery. Luckily, I’m okay but they discovered Sth else! And I’m scared. 

I come to realize that I should just live my life as if I only have five years to live or it might be...

2/27/20

Day 5.2.2020

I woke up with a heavy headache. I took only 20mn to get ready and my tuk tuk just drove away when I got down, what a life! 

Busy all day long!!! Boring!!! Let jump to lunchtime. 

I had lunch with my 12-year-friend and I bumped into this cute guy!! Such a wrong timing cuz he probably thought my friend were my bf... (stupid enough this happening my head only. Ironically, he was actually with his gf whom I thought just a colleague. He was a good bf cuz he tried to show other people that he is her bf by holding her hand). Then, surely I got a bit upset cuz of a stranger! Weird, right? 

1/30/20

One-Side Sneha

 So???

What else could go wrong? 

What could be worse than this?

Boom!!! 

There are more to come! 

I have trying so HARD to avoid all love shit!!!

And then, boom! I am working with my first crush (one side) wife!!! Yes, you hear me I am working with his wife! Yes, that is my life!

I have this weird fortune that all my exes and my crushes who have had crossed paths with me are now having lives, families, babies and more. Yes, all my ex/current crushes (one side) and my exes got married and have real lives. Added that, 99% of my friends who came to me about their heartbroken, they would get back together and get married… maybe I should I consider this as a gift for others or not just others but for my dear friends and people I care or cared. 

Then, there is this friend whom I known for 11-year and consider as my best friend (another one-side) told me the other day that he has depression and thought about suicide …. But why did he tell me and not his gf or any of his friends? Why me? So, I got freaking so I had to keep checking him out and just to make sure he is okay and not doing sth stupid, right???! BUT he said he cannot mention me to his gf whom he already proposed and will get married soon. Why would he keep stepping my broken heart! 

Let move on! Then I need to go to a dental clinic. I don’t want to spend fortune amount but I don’t trust other dentists as I already had a bad experience. So, I reached one to my friend from high school and he had a crush me (thank god for this time, it is him not me me me all the time). So, I have to remove a few teeth and considering brace as well. 

I AM NOT HEARTLESS. BUT, I JUST USE MY HEARTLESS!
I AM NOT LONLEY. BUT, I AM JUST ALONE AND I AM OKAY ABOUT IT!
I AM LIVING OKAY SINGLE LIFE. BUT PEOPLE KEEP MATCHING ME WITH THIS AND THAT OR MAKING ALL KIND OF POSSIBLE HEARTLESS JOKES THAT I AM SINGLE IS NOT OKAY??? I KNOW THEY SOMEHOW CARE THAT I SHOULD NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME BUT THIS BECOME A BURDEN FOR ME AND THEY NEVER GET IT.

1/19/20

Hellooo....

It has been awhile since I last posted on this diary.

Maybe I should write a little update about myself for the last several months.

I have lived a good life although I complain about small inconvenience things that didn't go my way. I have the last two amazing jobs and amazing colleagues. I have traveled a few new countries including Japan, and Europe  (Vienna, Halzburge and ... cannot remember the small town in Germany).


1/22/18

Magician

the universe is far beyond to reach!
the unknown future holds beneat the universe! 

my poem is probably the worse ...

1/19/18

I would rather just stay in my cage, lock the door and throw the key into the ocean 😌

Why should anyone have to go through so much just to hope that they will meet the right one? 

i'm just saying! at least i enjoy eating my food in my cage :) 

1/3/18

Truth - Yoga

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I_Ec2FPOyY&t=39s

this year is all about self-love! 
i know that a lot people are being hard on themselves and self-love is worthless! they should wait till they got nobody but themselves only! then, they will learn to love and gentle with themselves. 

Day 2 - Yoga :)

1/1/18

2018 here you are!

i have done the most scariest things in my life! and I am happy to have said it :) hello 2o18@#@$#$#

It is just me, a small girl, against the big world :)

5/5/17

first

I enjoyed Sunday swimming with a good friend. All a sudden I saw someone looked familiar but without my glasses I couldn't see him well. Until I saw my first BF' s wife walked passed, I realized it was him.

He was with his gangs including his wife, his cute daughter, sis in law and someone I don't know. He looks pretty happy with his little family.

For the first time in my life, I didn't know love is this powerful. I even dreamed of having a small family with him. But instead he is having with someone else.

When I walked out the pool, we kinda glanced to each other, and with our eyes kinda said goodbye with our awkward smiles.