I had this unsual dream about my imaginary bf :) I know this sounds so weird but this makes me smile and make my day.
We were surprised to meet again after several months. We were just happy and hugging each other in the ocean!!! Out of nowhere in ocean.
But in the afternoon I always lost him and couldn't reach to him at all! That's the reality maybe.
at 5:48 PM
It doesn't feel the same anymore! The same country at a beach in Patya but with different people.
Escaped the crowd to sit at lobby alone and stared the heavy rain outside.
I supposed to have a drink my old Thai colleagues but its raining so so much! What a day.
What if I twist my life around? What if I disconnect with all the people I know? What if I run away from here? What if I were invisible? What if it never happened? What if I were more thoughtful? What if none of those things never happened?
at 9:04 AM
I don't know if I could go through this difficult time in my life! But, for the first time in my life I allow myself to do what my heart tells me to. Whatever it takes, I have to overcome this.
at 12:26 AM
Life goes on!
Today, I went to Meta House alone to watch the documentary on "Enemies of the People". The documentary filmed by a British and a Cambodia journalist for 10 years project. They filmed and interviewed with the Khmer Rough leader Noun Chea and other three former Khmer Rough soldiers and the killers.
One of the killers said that there was a time during killing people, there was a girl who was a garment worker. She was so pretty and white skin. She begged him to spare her life and asked him if he would let her to live with him. He said, "if you had to live with me, you had to live with me the whole life". She replied yes. But, the other killer told him to kill her and he did. During the interview, his eyes are full of guilt and confused. This makes me feel very uncomfortable and couldn't find words to describe.
After watching this documentary again, as a child of a civil war victim it leaves me many questions.
It really makes me so confused about who the Angkar (Organization) is! What if there were no Khmer Rough, would we lose Cambodia to Vietnam and Thailand? What if Noun Chea and Pol Pot knew something really bad to Cambodia and they were right? What if Vietnam wanted to take over Cambodia?
What if all these thing above were correct and what if Khmer Rough did not have to kill people? Cambodia would be like North Korea.
Both my parents and the next generation do not care what really happened in the past and they do not try to understand. People say life goes on! But, mine never goes on that easy.
at 9:38 AM