"My World Vs. Real World"

I don't know if I could go through this difficult time in my life! But, for the first time in my life I allow myself to do what my heart tells me to. Whatever it takes, I have to overcome this. 

"My Silver Lining" I don't want to wait anymore I'm tired of looking for answers Take me some place where there's music and there's laughter I don't know if I'm scared of dying but I'm scared of living too fast, too slow Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no I've got to go There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on And you've just gotta keep on keeping on Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road Can't worry 'bout what's behind you or what's coming for you further up the road I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong I try to keep on keeping on Yeah I just keep on keeping on I hear a voice calling Calling out for me These shackles I've made in an attempt to be free Be it for reason, be it for love I won't take the easy road I've woken up in a hotel room, my worries as big as the moon Having no idea who or what or where I am Something good comes with the bad A son...

All I want now is going home and get some sleep ......

Apart from I'm smaller than her, we are almost the same in everything. We were born in the same year and the same month and the same love story lol  

Life goes on! Today, I went to Meta House alone to watch the documentary on "Enemies of the People".  The documentary filmed by a British and a Cambodia journalist for 10 years project. They filmed and interviewed with the Khmer Rough leader Noun Chea and other three former Khmer Rough soldiers and the killers.  One of the killers said that there was  a time during killing people, there was a girl who was a garment worker. She was so pretty and white skin. She begged him to spare her life and asked him if he would let her to live with him. He said, "if you had to live with me, you had to live with me the whole life". She replied yes. But, the other killer told him to kill her and he did. During the interview, his eyes are full of guilt and confused. This makes me feel very uncomfortable and couldn't find words to describe.  After watching this documentary again, as a child of a civil war victim it leaves me many questions.  It really makes me s...

When I was standing by at my tiny and empty balcony, I was thinking of those old memories that I both treasure and wish to forget sometime. BUT I can't just yet!   I am one of those people smile when it rains :) ***That's the view from my balcony*** ***just ignore the messy table and focus on the these beautiful light ***

When you are alone, your mind goes on and on and on... All I want is just to see the world with my little feet and my the biggest heart 😎     But recently, w hat bother me the most is that how could a friend who used to care about you so so so much from head to toes. But, slowly they just erased you from their lives completely. Even you had traveled half the world away to see them, they just don't give a damn about it. I'm just a stupid little human being as always. This still hunts me and leave me in unexplainable blank space. How could a good friend ghost you? ghosting aren't supposed to only love things? Plus, you cannot get any explaination... Except to accept the terrible reality! I have many nightmares and good dream about them... How could this mini human have to face all this shit ALL THE TIME?  But, I am still very proud of myself that I have through so many terrible things within the last two years and I still manage to stay strong and aliv...

I was trying to film a video again and nothing is easy!!! i need to learn a lot if i want to do more video in the future. Maybe i really should since i got my Gopro. I think it takes time to be comfortable in front of a f camera even you are alone... when i am nervous normally, i speak fast and ... yes bad English for sure. I hate making a video - I hate making a video - I hate making a video!!! 

The reality hits me so hard recently! not that because i am older its because this is who i am and who i will be! i know i will walk the path where not many people will choose but i am ready for this. i have to learn spending less and have a cheap hobby. this is it!